Follow these hilarious rules for your best weight-loss results:
1. Before weighing yourself, calibrate your scale properly by turning the little round knob so that the scale’s needle is as far to the left of zero pounds as possible. Note: avoid digital scales because they can’t be calibrated properly.
2. Remove all clothing, jewelry, and false teeth (or any other removable parts), and dry your hair thoroughly (preferably, cut your hair first).
3. Hold tightly onto the sink and towel bar (both if possible) and gradually release the weight of your body onto the scale with caution.
4. Place only one foot on the scale and hang a couple of toes over the side against the floor for better stabilization.
5. Immediately stop lowering yourself if you experience emotional discomfort, or if the needle rapidly approaches 130 pounds.
6. Do not weigh yourself more than once yearly because each use of the scale damages the little springs inside, thus making you appear to weigh more each time.
7. Buy a scale from a store with a 100 percent money back guarantee. Return scale for repair if you notice any weight gain over time.